Dear Friend,
Recently I had the opportunity to attend a health conference for online health advocates in Dallas called HealtheVoices hosted by Johnson & Johnson Medical Devices and J&J. Earlier this year, I was approached through my Instagram and encouraged to apply to attend. At first I was extremely apprehensive, because this sort of thing is outside my comfort zone. But, with the new year, and the new life and confidence I've gained from losing weight, I pushed myself to apply. Needless to say, when I got the email saying I was chosen to attend I was surprised and nervous, but very excited.
(Legal disclaimer: Janssen paid for my travel and lodging for the conference, and all opinions expressed are my own and not representative of Janssen.)
The first night I was relieved to make genuine connections with multiple people. However, as the events started on the second day, the first official day of the conference, I was suddenly very anxious. I felt out of place and uncomfortable. My confidence was shot, and I didn't understand why.
After crying through a panic attack, I started to gain some clarity on what was going on. At the conference I was outside of my safe place, in the most literal sense. I was away from home, away from my family, and away from my roles. At home, I am a wife and a mother and a housekeeper. At work, I am an accountant and a coworker. At school, I am a student and a friend.
But in Dallas, I was just Kara. And for as long as I can remember, Kara's role was "fat girl."
I'm not the fat girl anymore.
Without my role as the fat girl, I don't know who I am. And I am realizing that I'm still holding on to that label of fat girl, with no idea how to let it go.
After chatting with a family friend, he said something that has stuck with me. He had complemented my success with my weight loss surgery, and we got in to a heart to heart discussion about my past issues with confidence and mental health.
He said, "That may be how you see yourself, but that's not what I see."
That's when I realized that I am holding myself down mentally with my past baggage. I still see myself as the meek, troubled, obese girl. And that's not who I am anymore.
But I still don't know how to let those labels go.
What I want you to know: You get to decide who you are and how you label yourself. It doesn't matter what your past is, and you are allowed to change and grow.
Allow yourself to let go of the baggage that's holding you back.
xoxo